Going deaf is not something you want to admit to. I rank it alongside senility and Alzheimer’s. But was constantly being asked to turn the sound down on the TV and in conversations around the dinner table or in a room full of people all talking simultaneously, could only pick up half of what the person next to me was saying. “You’re going deaf,” my wife said. “I’m not!” was my defiant response. But when neighbour Jan came around, knew they were ganging up on me. “don’t know how to put this delicately, so I’ll just come out with it,” began Jan. “going deaf, Townie.
You need a hearing horn.” “mean a hearing aid!” retorted. “Whatever,” Jan replied. D etermined to prove them wrong, made an appointment with an audiologist and went for the test. “Only 20% hearing in one ear and 70% in the other,” she diagnosed, adding, “definitely hearing impaired.” She showed me a range of appliances ranging from huge earphones to earplug-size like the ones use to block out Wifey Dear’s snoring.
“These little ones are infinitely adjustable and as they fit into the ear canal, you hardly see them at all. But of course, they’re the most expensive,” she whispered. Funny, heard that alright. And vanity won. A djusting the sound control, went out into the traffic and a large truck hooted almost bursting my eardrums. whole new world of sound surrounded me. couldn’t wait to get back home to the peace and quiet of the countryside. But peace and quiet it wasn’t to be. airybelle greeted me at the gate with a “Mooo!” that made my hair stand on end.
The bleating sheep sounded like a firing range. Wifey’s greeting was like through a megaphone at a sports arena. “No need to shout!” said. “Isn’t it wonderful to hear like the rest of us?” she whispered. It didn’t take me long to discover the advantages of my adjustable hearing aid. could tune up or down at will with a turn of the volume knob. “Wash the dishes,” Wifey instructed after dinner. “What’s that, Dear?” “Don’t pretend you can’t hear me or have you put that thing on selective hearing mode?” Jan popped in for coffee the next day. “You can hardly notice them,” he said in his usual booming voice. Then in a whisper he said, “Silly old fart, and you thought there was nothing wrong!” “heard that, you senile old cretin!” – Derek Christopher |fw
